Monday, 24 May 2010

Telemarketers. Gotta love 'em.

Got a phone call at dinner from a person trying to sell me a holiday anywhere in New Zealand or Australia for only $149.99! Whoop-de-do! I did enjoy playing with her over the phone. Here's our general conversation before I forget it:

Me: Hello?
Indian Lady: Hello. When were you last on holiday?
Me: Not long ago.
Indian Lady: And how much did that cost? $100 or $200?
Me: Yeah, about that.
Indian Lady: Well, I have a deal for you. A holiday in New Zealand or Australia for only $149.99
Me: Wow. That's so awesome! What do I have to do!
Indian Lady: How old are you?
Me: I'm sixteen.
Indian Lady: Oh...I'm afraid you're underage.
Me: Awww.
Indian Lady: Do you have parents there?
Me: Not here.
Indian Lady: Do you have any money?
Me: Yes! I have a piggy bank.
Indian Lady: A piggy bank. How much do you have in it?
Me: I have a $100 in five cent coins!
Indian Lady: But that's only a hundred, this deal is $149.99.
Me: Oh...
Indian Lady: But I'll give you a fifty dollar discount so it's only $99.99.
Me: Yay!
Indian Lady: You're underage. Do you have someone to go with?
Me: Yes! I have my cat -- Twinkles.
Indian Lady: Pardon? Your cat?
Me: Yes my cat! Twinkles.
Indian Lady: Where are your parents?
Me:, well they left me in this hospital. This is my private telephone.
Indian Lady: Hospital?
Me: Yeah, they keep saying I have a mental problem...stalking. I have a nurse though, she's nice.
Indian Lady: What is your name?
Me: The Owner.
Indian Lady: How do you spell that?
Me: Capital Letter 'T' then a small 'H' and 'E' then a gap then a capital 'O' then a little 'W' and an 'N' and an 'E' and a 'R'.
Indian Lady: I don't get it?
Me: I'm The Owner! I am omnipotent!
Indian Lady: **awkward silence for literally ages*. Well since you're underage I can't give you this special.
Me: Oh, okay.
Indian Lady: Thank you.
Me: Thank again soon, I don't have any friends.
Indian Lady: **even longer silence** Yes, we're friends. I'll be thinking about you.
Me: Bye!

Indian Lady hangs up. I chortle with happiness and go back to dinner. I am The Owner...I just owned her arse!


Samantha said...

IONA! You lil minx! I CRIED!


That's so funny. You crack me up!

Ahhh... wish I was there.

Mara said...

I cannot stop giggling! This is hilarious! I wish I could mess with telemarketers this creatively... but the only non-friend calls I ever get are from Hal, the helpful automated librarian. (So disappointing. It used to be Elvis.)